"Ayala station? The train just left Ayala station," he asks the woman in disbelief.
"Hey, are you lost? I downed three bottles last night, but I know where I took this train." The woman stops flirting with her hair, ogling him with eyes big with concern. The passengers are also now looking at them with interest, even the nine year old with the big red backpack who appears to be sitting beside her mother.
"No. I took this train on Ayala station. We took this train on Ayala station."
"Suit yourself, kid." She opened her compact once more and started coating her face with powder, again with the wrong side of the compact's foam. She examines the bags under her eyes and exhales deeply, the reek of alcohol filling the air around her.
"We'll see who's right." He gives her a patronizing smile, and then for good measure, he winks conspiratorially at a well-dressed guy who had been looking at them. As if to say, “Crazy girl, isn’t she?”
The guy does not smile back and he notices he is uneasy standing between two muscled men. He cannot help but note the guy’s embarrassingly unmistakable erection. The guy shyly covers his groin with his sling bag.
He decides they may be roughly of the same age. A call center agent, he thinks. Everyone he knows who can’t continue their studies has gone on to work at a call center. The guy is wearing a white long-sleeved shirt that looked expensive, the first two buttons opened. He can see sweat dripping down from the pit of his neck into his boyish chest. The MRT’s air-conditioning is atrocious.
Then the train stops with a loud screech, ending his reverie. He sees Faux Blonde getting up from her seat.
“You take care, okay?” She sends a kiss flying toward him.
He looks out of the train and, with his good right eye, reads “Ayala” boldly printed in white against the blue signboard. He looks around him, at the other passengers, but no one would meet his eyes.
to be continued
the persistence of being earnest
-
Sometimes I swear it is easy to just give up whenever the universe is
sending me signals that it doesn’t care about what I’m trying my best to
accomplish—m...
12 comments:
Wow, interesting itu! =)
Okay! That was weird, which is good. It gives a reason for the readers to read further and possibly reread the details.
Initially, I was thinking "He should have described the girls mannerism, to show how drunk she is." But I realized maybe she was not that drunk and still acted normal and requires no further detailing.
Nice subtle clues about the geeks orientation.
Is this turning to be a fantasy story or sci-fi?
Or are you planning to make the narrator lie?
You're using an omniscient narrator, right? Or an unreliable one? We'll see...
:)
@Niel: I told you, I'm ambitious. Too ambitious for my own good. LOL.
This is either a fantasy/sci-fi story or like one of those creepy Twilight Zone episodes. Which is good! =)
Tama si Mr. Scheez. Parang Twilight Zone. :) More, more. :)Yeah, I won't mind Herbs. I've got my own drama to deal with. hehe.:)
@Mr Scheez: I'm glad you didn't find the concept ridiculous. hehe.
@Theo: I'll post the next installation soon!
Hi, I can't help but comment, this is really interesting. I kinda figured that the geeky guy is wrong, so weird and creepy, I can almost hear a pendulum clock at midnight in reverberating gong.
thanks, parteeboi. will write the next installation soon. promise. hehe.
i miss reading your works, vic... and all those asking if i "get it". hahahah what could this be??? hmmm.. update, please.
@nika: i miss your critiques on my lame writing, too. hehe. :) buhayin mo na uli yung blogspot mo!
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